he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
