Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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