Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
