Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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