So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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