so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
zippers are such a cool invention
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
