omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
