So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
