Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
