We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
