i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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