I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
