whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
