I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
