Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
