6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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