So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
