i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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