So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
