For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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