end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
