I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
