my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize