Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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