Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
