is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
