I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
