Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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