Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
