I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
