Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
