oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
