A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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