His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
