Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
