I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
