Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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