Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
