I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize