my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
