There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
