Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
