Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
