He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
