so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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