A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
