Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sarcasm needs its own font
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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