Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
