He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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