Will you blow on my dice?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
