Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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