I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
