I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
