talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
