god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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