Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
