Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
