4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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