My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
