I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
