So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you would pick up someone in the library
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
