Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
