I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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